About six years ago I was really good about exercising (I actually had a part-time job at Curves) and my weight was down, but then I had surgery and all kinds of blood pressure problems resulted. I had trouble standing up (or even sitting sometimes) without getting really dizzy. So exercise went on the back burner for a while. And because of the kind of surgery I had, it was smart to eat cheese and ice cream and all kinds of stuff that I love. By the time I'd healed, I'd gained back the weight I'd lost, and the motivation was nowhere to be found. And I had one hell of a time weaning myself off all the ice cream.
About 3 1/2 years ago it happened again. I was exercising five or six days a week, I'd lost about 15 pounds and I felt fantastic. Then I moved (out of good driving distance of the gym I loved so much) and started a part-time job, and exercising and healthy eating went out the window.
Again, two years ago: I was in a friend's wedding and determined not to be the fat bridesmaid. I lost weight, toned up, and felt, for the first time, like it could be a permanent change. I was one pants size bigger than I was when I graduated from high school. I loved the way I looked, and I thought I was motivated to keep it up. And then I started traveling every weekend, moved, traveled some more, stopped traveling, bought a house, and moved again. I spent a lot of time getting adjusted to living in a house by myself. I've lived alone for a good part of my adult life, but there's something different about being in my house, on my lot, with my neighbors. And while I do have quite a bit of help, maintaining a house is ultimately my responsibility and mine alone. I still have that part-time job and my commute adds about an hour and a half to my day. I don't want to complain about the commute - I'm just a few minutes from a light-rail station, and I generally use the time each way to read. But still - it's time that I'm not at home, not at the gym, not doing things I could do to get and keep myself healthy.
The common theme? I'm not very good at maintaining weight loss when there's a lot of change in my life. I don't know what it is - maybe I can only do so much at a time; maybe I'm just lazy and have unconsciously looked for reasons to quit. This past winter was brutal, full of disappointments (some not so big, some huge). Disappointment + winter blues + comfort eater by nature = at least 10 pounds that were not on my frame last fall.
I'm as heavy as I've ever been, if not heavier. I don't like the way I look or feel, and my attitude stinks. I've taken some steps in the past month or so to combat the weight gain. I have a couple of walking buddies at work, and a good friend of mine just joined my gym, so we've met there and exercised a few times. The workout goes pretty quickly because I get to hang out with my friend.
But you know what? I don't think it's enough. I need to do something more to keep myself motivated and accountable. I can't afford to buy a new wardrobe for the summer - and I'm honestly concerned that I might have to if I don't do something.
My thought is that I'll blog - at least once in a while - about my process of losing weight. I'm hoping that being accountable to you, my fantastic fourteen followers, will be the extra smidgen of motivation I need to make a good change. Plus, I don't anticipate a lot of change in my life in the next several months. My summer will be full of work instead of travel (not necessarily a bad thing); and so help me, I'm NOT MOVING AGAIN.
So, thank you in advance for what you'll do to help keep me on track. By being out there in the great virtual beyond, you'll help me get my overlarge butt in gear and back on the treadmill.
