A couple of people have asked me why I haven't posted a blog in a while. The truth is, while I've had things to say, none of them have been very nice. I can be as snarky as they come - and snarky is one thing - but negative is something else entirely. I don't want to post things for all the world to see when the only things I can think of to say are things I'm unhappy about.
Blogging isn't like having a journal; I feel a much greater sense of ownership about the stuff I publish than the rants and page-long swearing sessions I keep in a notebook in my bedroom. If I put something online, I want it to be phrased correctly. I've been worried lately that I wouldn't be able to censor myself, or reconcile my public and private selves in a way that made sense to anyone. And lately, I haven't felt like any point I would make is worth sharing. So my keyboard has been silent.
Until this evening.
Today was one of those days I'd much rather forget. Right now I'm staring down the consequences of choices that I made - capriciously, now I know - a long time ago. I'm wondering if those consequences will *ever* get out of my way and let me get on with my life. At the moment I have my doubts, and I'm more than a little crabby about it.
It's one of those days when I feel like swinging my purse into the head of the woman who's having a loud cell phone conversation; one of those days when all I wanted to do on the train home was to turn around and yell at the people halfway to the other end of the car to shut up, that the entire train didn't want to hear them, that their conversation was stupid, and that their opinions were meaningless. It's one of those days when I'm loaded for bear, and feel like the first person who challenges me is going to get the full extent of my rage, frustration, and general foul mood. I don't express anger very often, and when it comes out it's *really* not pretty.
It was touch and go for a while - there's a LOT of change in the bottom of my purse, and that thing is heavy, and that woman on her phone was incredibly annoying - but I made it home without screaming obscenities or hurling insults (or anything else!) at anyone. I was pretty happy to get home to my snuggly cat.
And then I wondered why. Why do I keep my anger to myself? Why don't I just turn around and tell someone - politely, or not - that the line for the restroom is not the best place for a loud political discussion with your friend? Why don't I tell the customer at the bookstore that being a customer doesn't give them license to be a jerk? Why don't I give it right back to them? Why don't I choose to engage or confront?
The answer: courtesy and civility.
There's been so much talk in the past few weeks about the tone of political rhetoric - how it's waaay out of hand. Whether or not politics played into the Arizona shootings a few weeks ago isn't something I care to debate. There's too much nasty stuff coming from people on both sides of the aisle, and it's old and it's exhausting and it needs to stop.
But it's bigger than that. You don't need to look any further than the comments section of any online article in any major newspaper, and you can see people communicating in ways that are childish and mean. People refer to each other as "you libtards" and "stupid rethuglicans" and any number of other made-up words that are clearly meant to be insulting and demoralizing and inflammatory. Why? What's the point? Disagreeing with another person's opinion is a healthy part of debate; degrading or devaluing that person absolutely is not.
I submit that the tone of politics in this country mirrors the tone of the citizens. Further, until we treat each other with more kindness, patience, and grace, things are going to get worse - in the political arena as well as the personal. Online communication makes it easy to dehumanize and devalue other people. It seems that the dehumanization of people online transfers all too easily to the devaluing of other people in person.
So what does this all mean? Any number of things. First, *I* should lighten up. As much as I despise poor manners (and loud conversations in public places qualify as poor manners in my book), I need to take a deep breath and not let that kind of thing bother me. There are any number of things that I allow to get under my skin, and most of them are ridiculous, and I can own that.
Second, we as a society should consider the way we treat each other. Is it really necessary to share your opinion with a packed train car? Whether you're on your phone or talking with the person next to you - have you considered the people around you? It goes back to manners. I'm big on manners. Chew with your mouth closed. Don't call people names. Don't spit.
Third, if someone is rude to me, it doesn't give me the right to give it back to them. I've learned from (way too many) years of dealing with people that there are many folks who just want to make a stink. No matter how sweet or how mean you are in return, they're just going to be a pill. By the same token - why be that person? Why not treat the voice on the other end of the 800-line like a person, instead of crabbing and being condescending? Why snap your fingers and expect someone to come running to assist you? That's not civil, that's not old-school - that's RUDE. When someone is being rude to you, why give it back to them? Why not cut it off by being sickeningly sweet?
I'm aware that I'm simplyfing the civility thing; I'm also aware of the irony of posting about how easy it is to dehumanize other people online in an online forum. Further, I'm aware that communication can be difficult, that different people are wired differently, and all that stuff. But really - and I know how cheesy and naive this sounds - why can't we just be nicer to each other?
