About six years ago I was really good about exercising (I actually had a part-time job at Curves) and my weight was down, but then I had surgery and all kinds of blood pressure problems resulted. I had trouble standing up (or even sitting sometimes) without getting really dizzy. So exercise went on the back burner for a while. And because of the kind of surgery I had, it was smart to eat cheese and ice cream and all kinds of stuff that I love. By the time I'd healed, I'd gained back the weight I'd lost, and the motivation was nowhere to be found. And I had one hell of a time weaning myself off all the ice cream.
About 3 1/2 years ago it happened again. I was exercising five or six days a week, I'd lost about 15 pounds and I felt fantastic. Then I moved (out of good driving distance of the gym I loved so much) and started a part-time job, and exercising and healthy eating went out the window.
Again, two years ago: I was in a friend's wedding and determined not to be the fat bridesmaid. I lost weight, toned up, and felt, for the first time, like it could be a permanent change. I was one pants size bigger than I was when I graduated from high school. I loved the way I looked, and I thought I was motivated to keep it up. And then I started traveling every weekend, moved, traveled some more, stopped traveling, bought a house, and moved again. I spent a lot of time getting adjusted to living in a house by myself. I've lived alone for a good part of my adult life, but there's something different about being in my house, on my lot, with my neighbors. And while I do have quite a bit of help, maintaining a house is ultimately my responsibility and mine alone. I still have that part-time job and my commute adds about an hour and a half to my day. I don't want to complain about the commute - I'm just a few minutes from a light-rail station, and I generally use the time each way to read. But still - it's time that I'm not at home, not at the gym, not doing things I could do to get and keep myself healthy.
The common theme? I'm not very good at maintaining weight loss when there's a lot of change in my life. I don't know what it is - maybe I can only do so much at a time; maybe I'm just lazy and have unconsciously looked for reasons to quit. This past winter was brutal, full of disappointments (some not so big, some huge). Disappointment + winter blues + comfort eater by nature = at least 10 pounds that were not on my frame last fall.
I'm as heavy as I've ever been, if not heavier. I don't like the way I look or feel, and my attitude stinks. I've taken some steps in the past month or so to combat the weight gain. I have a couple of walking buddies at work, and a good friend of mine just joined my gym, so we've met there and exercised a few times. The workout goes pretty quickly because I get to hang out with my friend.
But you know what? I don't think it's enough. I need to do something more to keep myself motivated and accountable. I can't afford to buy a new wardrobe for the summer - and I'm honestly concerned that I might have to if I don't do something.
My thought is that I'll blog - at least once in a while - about my process of losing weight. I'm hoping that being accountable to you, my fantastic fourteen followers, will be the extra smidgen of motivation I need to make a good change. Plus, I don't anticipate a lot of change in my life in the next several months. My summer will be full of work instead of travel (not necessarily a bad thing); and so help me, I'm NOT MOVING AGAIN.
So, thank you in advance for what you'll do to help keep me on track. By being out there in the great virtual beyond, you'll help me get my overlarge butt in gear and back on the treadmill.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
My happy list, version 1.0
In no particular order, here are things I'm thankful for at this very moment:
1. My crock pot.
2. My snuggly cat, even when she wakes me up in the middle of the night.
3. The fact that my aunt and her family, who live in Misawa, Japan, were unharmed by Friday's earthquake and tsunami. That's not to say they weren't affected, but no one is missing or in the hospital. Hooray!
4. Neighbor Dave, who always clears snow from my driveway, yard, and sidewalk. He doesn't expect anything in return, but I buy him books as thank-yous. The guy thinks he's taking advantage of me.
5. Daylight savings time. Getting up an hour earlier takes some adjustment, but once I'm used to it, the spring and summer evenings in Minnesota are so very worth it. Plus, it's a sign of spring!
6. Starting over with someone I got off on the wrong foot with.
7. Surface friendships that go deeper than the surface over drinks.
8. Pandora for BlackBerry.
9. Watching a friend take steps to further their career, even though it means I don't see them every day any longer.
10. My cute little house and people who come visit me in it.
11. People who stand up and protest when they're being wronged.
12. Living in a country where people can stand up and protest when they're being wronged, and not have to worry about being shot or run over by a tank.
13. Job security.
14. Learning new skills.
15. Having enough, but still wanting to move forward and improve myself.
16. Facebook. I've had two reunions with people I with to grade school with - grade school in another state, mind you. I love reconnecting with old friends. You get the old friend - the person they were when you first knew them; and a new friend - the person they are now. It's even better when you discover that you still have things in common.
17. Forming a theater club with my co-workers, and experiencing the Twin Cities theater scene on a regular basis.
18. Microbrews.
19. Watching Dexter with a good friend and feeling totally refreshed by the time we were done. (Not sure what that says about me...)
20. Singing at the top of my lungs while I cook for the week (see Pandora and crock pot, above).
21. Knitting scarves.
22. Friends who successfully defend their dissertations; and other friends who are beginning to write theirs.
23. That so many people I know, myself included, are pretty well-educated.
24. That I live in a country where my friends, male and female, can become well-educated.'
25. Death Cab for Cutie, Metric, and Pete Yorn.
1. My crock pot.
2. My snuggly cat, even when she wakes me up in the middle of the night.
3. The fact that my aunt and her family, who live in Misawa, Japan, were unharmed by Friday's earthquake and tsunami. That's not to say they weren't affected, but no one is missing or in the hospital. Hooray!
4. Neighbor Dave, who always clears snow from my driveway, yard, and sidewalk. He doesn't expect anything in return, but I buy him books as thank-yous. The guy thinks he's taking advantage of me.
5. Daylight savings time. Getting up an hour earlier takes some adjustment, but once I'm used to it, the spring and summer evenings in Minnesota are so very worth it. Plus, it's a sign of spring!
6. Starting over with someone I got off on the wrong foot with.
7. Surface friendships that go deeper than the surface over drinks.
8. Pandora for BlackBerry.
9. Watching a friend take steps to further their career, even though it means I don't see them every day any longer.
10. My cute little house and people who come visit me in it.
11. People who stand up and protest when they're being wronged.
12. Living in a country where people can stand up and protest when they're being wronged, and not have to worry about being shot or run over by a tank.
13. Job security.
14. Learning new skills.
15. Having enough, but still wanting to move forward and improve myself.
16. Facebook. I've had two reunions with people I with to grade school with - grade school in another state, mind you. I love reconnecting with old friends. You get the old friend - the person they were when you first knew them; and a new friend - the person they are now. It's even better when you discover that you still have things in common.
17. Forming a theater club with my co-workers, and experiencing the Twin Cities theater scene on a regular basis.
18. Microbrews.
19. Watching Dexter with a good friend and feeling totally refreshed by the time we were done. (Not sure what that says about me...)
20. Singing at the top of my lungs while I cook for the week (see Pandora and crock pot, above).
21. Knitting scarves.
22. Friends who successfully defend their dissertations; and other friends who are beginning to write theirs.
23. That so many people I know, myself included, are pretty well-educated.
24. That I live in a country where my friends, male and female, can become well-educated.'
25. Death Cab for Cutie, Metric, and Pete Yorn.
Things I wish I understood, part 2
My thoughts and prayers are with the the people of Japan. I'm very thankful that my aunt, Tracy Rowe, made it from Tokyo to her home in Misawa and is now safe with her husband and two daughters.
It's been interesting to watch the conversations on Facebook over the past few days. Many people have posted notes about their shock and sorrow, and others have made comments to the effect of "We couldn't have done anything about it, it was a natural disaster, and there's no sense in wasting energy or even much empathy on it." Call me stupid, a bleeding heart, or any number of other things, but I don't understand that at all. Anything I write about that is going to turn into a rant, particularly because someone in my family was directly affected, so I'll cut myself off. But really? No empathy at all? Come on!
On a lighter note, what is it with people and their GPS systems? Full disclosure: I'm blessed with a pretty decent sense of direction. Except for one memorable instance in southern Missouri and another couple in Eden Prairie (hate that city!) I can usually figure out where I'm going and how to get there from where I am. Call me lucky - whatever. I recently saw someone - someone who has a better sense of direction than mine - use a GPS to determine a route from another person's home to the nearest major airport. The person using the GPS had been going to the other person's home on a regular basis for over 25 years, and driving to or from the airport in question for almost as long. He's a really sharp guy, and I'm pretty sure he could have found his way to the airport with his eyes closed, even on the windy back roads. It made me giggle, and then it made me wonder: can't anyone read a map anymore? I guess it's different if you're in an unfamiliar city, but in general, really, is it necessary to turn on the GPS to go from home to the grocery store? I wish someone would explain it to me, because I don't understand the obsession.
Here's something else I don't get: the proliferation of vampires. I've had a part-time job at a bookstore for about 3 1/2 years. For the most part it's a pretty good gig. My schedule is set (one night a week), I work with some fantastic people, and I get a great discount on books. Our teen section has a fairly new addition called "Paranormal Romance." I don't understand why a) adding a vampire (or werewolf, zombie, alien, etc.) to a story seems to be a recipe for an instant bestseller; or b) why aren't authors content to write about real issues that teenagers face, like bad skin or bullying or sex? Maybe it's just me, but if some guy who I knew was dead started trying to love me up, I'd be freaked out, not turned on. Call me crazy. Or maybe I'm just old.
Speaking of old, the best way to make myself feel old is to look at a gossip magazine. More disclosure: I despise celebrity gossip. Whenever someone around me is watching reality TV I can feel the IQ points leaking out of my brain. Last week before I went to the gym I went to go buy a Rolling Stone. Normally, the stuff in that magazine can keep me occupied for a good two hours on the elliptical, and since I'm trying to spend more time exercising these days, it seemed like a good purchase. Then I saw that Snooki chick on the cover. Please explain this to me: What does she do, exactly, that merits a cover shot on what's normally a fantastically well-written and insightful magazine? Why is she so famous? What does she contribute to society? Maybe I should have bought the damn issue to find out, but I just couldn't stomach the idea.
One last thing I don't get: why are there tip jars everywhere now? I worked at a fast food restaurant in high school, and there were never tip jars at the register. If someone had tried to tip me I doubt I'd have known what to do. I was in and out of a fast food restaurant with some friends a few weeks ago, and all four of the registers had tip jars. The person at the register is not making me a fancy coffee, they're not delivering food to my table, they're ringing up stuff at a cash register and putting said stuff on a tray. Servers are different - I'm generally a good tipper at a sit-down restaurant - and I can pretty easily justify tipping when I go to Caribou (which is not to say I always do tip, but it seems to make at least a little bit of sense). Since I did the fast-food thing (and since I've had a part-time retail job for most of my adult life), I get that dealing with people is difficult, and you don't make a lot of money in that kind of a position. It strikes me that the people who should be tipping people at registers (and anywhere else) are the ones who won't tip - or who will tip very little. But where does it end? When I buy my 20-oz soda at the convenience store, should I tip the guy who rings me up? Do I toss an extra couple of bucks at the postal clerk when I'm mailing a package? Will I eventually be expected to tip when I go through the check out like at Super Target?
The world is such a confusing place.
It's been interesting to watch the conversations on Facebook over the past few days. Many people have posted notes about their shock and sorrow, and others have made comments to the effect of "We couldn't have done anything about it, it was a natural disaster, and there's no sense in wasting energy or even much empathy on it." Call me stupid, a bleeding heart, or any number of other things, but I don't understand that at all. Anything I write about that is going to turn into a rant, particularly because someone in my family was directly affected, so I'll cut myself off. But really? No empathy at all? Come on!
On a lighter note, what is it with people and their GPS systems? Full disclosure: I'm blessed with a pretty decent sense of direction. Except for one memorable instance in southern Missouri and another couple in Eden Prairie (hate that city!) I can usually figure out where I'm going and how to get there from where I am. Call me lucky - whatever. I recently saw someone - someone who has a better sense of direction than mine - use a GPS to determine a route from another person's home to the nearest major airport. The person using the GPS had been going to the other person's home on a regular basis for over 25 years, and driving to or from the airport in question for almost as long. He's a really sharp guy, and I'm pretty sure he could have found his way to the airport with his eyes closed, even on the windy back roads. It made me giggle, and then it made me wonder: can't anyone read a map anymore? I guess it's different if you're in an unfamiliar city, but in general, really, is it necessary to turn on the GPS to go from home to the grocery store? I wish someone would explain it to me, because I don't understand the obsession.
Here's something else I don't get: the proliferation of vampires. I've had a part-time job at a bookstore for about 3 1/2 years. For the most part it's a pretty good gig. My schedule is set (one night a week), I work with some fantastic people, and I get a great discount on books. Our teen section has a fairly new addition called "Paranormal Romance." I don't understand why a) adding a vampire (or werewolf, zombie, alien, etc.) to a story seems to be a recipe for an instant bestseller; or b) why aren't authors content to write about real issues that teenagers face, like bad skin or bullying or sex? Maybe it's just me, but if some guy who I knew was dead started trying to love me up, I'd be freaked out, not turned on. Call me crazy. Or maybe I'm just old.
Speaking of old, the best way to make myself feel old is to look at a gossip magazine. More disclosure: I despise celebrity gossip. Whenever someone around me is watching reality TV I can feel the IQ points leaking out of my brain. Last week before I went to the gym I went to go buy a Rolling Stone. Normally, the stuff in that magazine can keep me occupied for a good two hours on the elliptical, and since I'm trying to spend more time exercising these days, it seemed like a good purchase. Then I saw that Snooki chick on the cover. Please explain this to me: What does she do, exactly, that merits a cover shot on what's normally a fantastically well-written and insightful magazine? Why is she so famous? What does she contribute to society? Maybe I should have bought the damn issue to find out, but I just couldn't stomach the idea.
One last thing I don't get: why are there tip jars everywhere now? I worked at a fast food restaurant in high school, and there were never tip jars at the register. If someone had tried to tip me I doubt I'd have known what to do. I was in and out of a fast food restaurant with some friends a few weeks ago, and all four of the registers had tip jars. The person at the register is not making me a fancy coffee, they're not delivering food to my table, they're ringing up stuff at a cash register and putting said stuff on a tray. Servers are different - I'm generally a good tipper at a sit-down restaurant - and I can pretty easily justify tipping when I go to Caribou (which is not to say I always do tip, but it seems to make at least a little bit of sense). Since I did the fast-food thing (and since I've had a part-time retail job for most of my adult life), I get that dealing with people is difficult, and you don't make a lot of money in that kind of a position. It strikes me that the people who should be tipping people at registers (and anywhere else) are the ones who won't tip - or who will tip very little. But where does it end? When I buy my 20-oz soda at the convenience store, should I tip the guy who rings me up? Do I toss an extra couple of bucks at the postal clerk when I'm mailing a package? Will I eventually be expected to tip when I go through the check out like at Super Target?
The world is such a confusing place.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
On civility and piss and vinegar
A couple of people have asked me why I haven't posted a blog in a while. The truth is, while I've had things to say, none of them have been very nice. I can be as snarky as they come - and snarky is one thing - but negative is something else entirely. I don't want to post things for all the world to see when the only things I can think of to say are things I'm unhappy about.
Blogging isn't like having a journal; I feel a much greater sense of ownership about the stuff I publish than the rants and page-long swearing sessions I keep in a notebook in my bedroom. If I put something online, I want it to be phrased correctly. I've been worried lately that I wouldn't be able to censor myself, or reconcile my public and private selves in a way that made sense to anyone. And lately, I haven't felt like any point I would make is worth sharing. So my keyboard has been silent.
Until this evening.
Today was one of those days I'd much rather forget. Right now I'm staring down the consequences of choices that I made - capriciously, now I know - a long time ago. I'm wondering if those consequences will *ever* get out of my way and let me get on with my life. At the moment I have my doubts, and I'm more than a little crabby about it.
It's one of those days when I feel like swinging my purse into the head of the woman who's having a loud cell phone conversation; one of those days when all I wanted to do on the train home was to turn around and yell at the people halfway to the other end of the car to shut up, that the entire train didn't want to hear them, that their conversation was stupid, and that their opinions were meaningless. It's one of those days when I'm loaded for bear, and feel like the first person who challenges me is going to get the full extent of my rage, frustration, and general foul mood. I don't express anger very often, and when it comes out it's *really* not pretty.
It was touch and go for a while - there's a LOT of change in the bottom of my purse, and that thing is heavy, and that woman on her phone was incredibly annoying - but I made it home without screaming obscenities or hurling insults (or anything else!) at anyone. I was pretty happy to get home to my snuggly cat.
And then I wondered why. Why do I keep my anger to myself? Why don't I just turn around and tell someone - politely, or not - that the line for the restroom is not the best place for a loud political discussion with your friend? Why don't I tell the customer at the bookstore that being a customer doesn't give them license to be a jerk? Why don't I give it right back to them? Why don't I choose to engage or confront?
The answer: courtesy and civility.
There's been so much talk in the past few weeks about the tone of political rhetoric - how it's waaay out of hand. Whether or not politics played into the Arizona shootings a few weeks ago isn't something I care to debate. There's too much nasty stuff coming from people on both sides of the aisle, and it's old and it's exhausting and it needs to stop.
But it's bigger than that. You don't need to look any further than the comments section of any online article in any major newspaper, and you can see people communicating in ways that are childish and mean. People refer to each other as "you libtards" and "stupid rethuglicans" and any number of other made-up words that are clearly meant to be insulting and demoralizing and inflammatory. Why? What's the point? Disagreeing with another person's opinion is a healthy part of debate; degrading or devaluing that person absolutely is not.
I submit that the tone of politics in this country mirrors the tone of the citizens. Further, until we treat each other with more kindness, patience, and grace, things are going to get worse - in the political arena as well as the personal. Online communication makes it easy to dehumanize and devalue other people. It seems that the dehumanization of people online transfers all too easily to the devaluing of other people in person.
So what does this all mean? Any number of things. First, *I* should lighten up. As much as I despise poor manners (and loud conversations in public places qualify as poor manners in my book), I need to take a deep breath and not let that kind of thing bother me. There are any number of things that I allow to get under my skin, and most of them are ridiculous, and I can own that.
Second, we as a society should consider the way we treat each other. Is it really necessary to share your opinion with a packed train car? Whether you're on your phone or talking with the person next to you - have you considered the people around you? It goes back to manners. I'm big on manners. Chew with your mouth closed. Don't call people names. Don't spit.
Third, if someone is rude to me, it doesn't give me the right to give it back to them. I've learned from (way too many) years of dealing with people that there are many folks who just want to make a stink. No matter how sweet or how mean you are in return, they're just going to be a pill. By the same token - why be that person? Why not treat the voice on the other end of the 800-line like a person, instead of crabbing and being condescending? Why snap your fingers and expect someone to come running to assist you? That's not civil, that's not old-school - that's RUDE. When someone is being rude to you, why give it back to them? Why not cut it off by being sickeningly sweet?
I'm aware that I'm simplyfing the civility thing; I'm also aware of the irony of posting about how easy it is to dehumanize other people online in an online forum. Further, I'm aware that communication can be difficult, that different people are wired differently, and all that stuff. But really - and I know how cheesy and naive this sounds - why can't we just be nicer to each other?
Blogging isn't like having a journal; I feel a much greater sense of ownership about the stuff I publish than the rants and page-long swearing sessions I keep in a notebook in my bedroom. If I put something online, I want it to be phrased correctly. I've been worried lately that I wouldn't be able to censor myself, or reconcile my public and private selves in a way that made sense to anyone. And lately, I haven't felt like any point I would make is worth sharing. So my keyboard has been silent.
Until this evening.
Today was one of those days I'd much rather forget. Right now I'm staring down the consequences of choices that I made - capriciously, now I know - a long time ago. I'm wondering if those consequences will *ever* get out of my way and let me get on with my life. At the moment I have my doubts, and I'm more than a little crabby about it.
It's one of those days when I feel like swinging my purse into the head of the woman who's having a loud cell phone conversation; one of those days when all I wanted to do on the train home was to turn around and yell at the people halfway to the other end of the car to shut up, that the entire train didn't want to hear them, that their conversation was stupid, and that their opinions were meaningless. It's one of those days when I'm loaded for bear, and feel like the first person who challenges me is going to get the full extent of my rage, frustration, and general foul mood. I don't express anger very often, and when it comes out it's *really* not pretty.
It was touch and go for a while - there's a LOT of change in the bottom of my purse, and that thing is heavy, and that woman on her phone was incredibly annoying - but I made it home without screaming obscenities or hurling insults (or anything else!) at anyone. I was pretty happy to get home to my snuggly cat.
And then I wondered why. Why do I keep my anger to myself? Why don't I just turn around and tell someone - politely, or not - that the line for the restroom is not the best place for a loud political discussion with your friend? Why don't I tell the customer at the bookstore that being a customer doesn't give them license to be a jerk? Why don't I give it right back to them? Why don't I choose to engage or confront?
The answer: courtesy and civility.
There's been so much talk in the past few weeks about the tone of political rhetoric - how it's waaay out of hand. Whether or not politics played into the Arizona shootings a few weeks ago isn't something I care to debate. There's too much nasty stuff coming from people on both sides of the aisle, and it's old and it's exhausting and it needs to stop.
But it's bigger than that. You don't need to look any further than the comments section of any online article in any major newspaper, and you can see people communicating in ways that are childish and mean. People refer to each other as "you libtards" and "stupid rethuglicans" and any number of other made-up words that are clearly meant to be insulting and demoralizing and inflammatory. Why? What's the point? Disagreeing with another person's opinion is a healthy part of debate; degrading or devaluing that person absolutely is not.
I submit that the tone of politics in this country mirrors the tone of the citizens. Further, until we treat each other with more kindness, patience, and grace, things are going to get worse - in the political arena as well as the personal. Online communication makes it easy to dehumanize and devalue other people. It seems that the dehumanization of people online transfers all too easily to the devaluing of other people in person.
So what does this all mean? Any number of things. First, *I* should lighten up. As much as I despise poor manners (and loud conversations in public places qualify as poor manners in my book), I need to take a deep breath and not let that kind of thing bother me. There are any number of things that I allow to get under my skin, and most of them are ridiculous, and I can own that.
Second, we as a society should consider the way we treat each other. Is it really necessary to share your opinion with a packed train car? Whether you're on your phone or talking with the person next to you - have you considered the people around you? It goes back to manners. I'm big on manners. Chew with your mouth closed. Don't call people names. Don't spit.
Third, if someone is rude to me, it doesn't give me the right to give it back to them. I've learned from (way too many) years of dealing with people that there are many folks who just want to make a stink. No matter how sweet or how mean you are in return, they're just going to be a pill. By the same token - why be that person? Why not treat the voice on the other end of the 800-line like a person, instead of crabbing and being condescending? Why snap your fingers and expect someone to come running to assist you? That's not civil, that's not old-school - that's RUDE. When someone is being rude to you, why give it back to them? Why not cut it off by being sickeningly sweet?
I'm aware that I'm simplyfing the civility thing; I'm also aware of the irony of posting about how easy it is to dehumanize other people online in an online forum. Further, I'm aware that communication can be difficult, that different people are wired differently, and all that stuff. But really - and I know how cheesy and naive this sounds - why can't we just be nicer to each other?
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